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Defending Feminism's avatar

"It’s understandable that people thought it was unfair when men could vote and women couldn’t, but this problem arose only because we made the mistake of having voting in the first place. Democracy is a failed system. Neither men nor women should be allowed to vote."

Haha. I have to admit, I didn't see that last line coming. Dream on, my friend. I'm sure the anti-democracy advocacy will catch on any day now.

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Meghan Bell's avatar

Going a bit contrarian here, but I was involved in a feminist scene for a while (more so out of an interest in women's literature than anything) and I actually agree with a lot of what is written here. I do think feminism was a reaction to some very real issues -- though perhaps not the ones claimed by many feminists. And that some good things were achieved by the movement (e.g. support services for abused women, greater independence allowing women to leave bad marriages). I wish that the branch of "maternal feminism" that once existed had been the one to take off. That it the "girl-boss" version did instead I think is indicative of the toxicity and narcissism that was always inherent in the movement. While I agree the movement now does more harm than good to women and men, I think the biggest victims are children -- to paraphrase Erica Komisar, the whole women's rights thing threw children's rights under the bus.

I have a daughter and a second to be born any day now. When I was pregnant with my first child, many other women asked me if I was going to raise her in a "gender-neutral" way, i.e. push her toward masculine interests. I found this disturbing and said I'd let her like what she naturally likes. (Turns out she likes pretty dresses, the colour pink, singing, dancing, and animals. She really only plays with stuff like trucks etc when she's hanging out with one of her male friends). I also heard stories of women who were devastated that their daughters were feminine, which is tragic for the kids. As you write, there's nothing wrong with (healthy) femininity.

When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first things I said to my husband was that I wanted to be a STAH mom. He has a good job and is a good man and has been extremely supportive (while also being supportive of my writing, continued freelancing, and Substack). I was pushed toward masculine careers like engineering as a kid because I was good at math ... but I was still a girl, and I pursued female-typical interests instead. I sincerely like being barefoot and cooking, tweaking recipes to perfect them. It's insane to me that I was fed propaganda trying to convince me that this life is somehow a waste of my mind (what about my heart?). With a good man, being a housewife is the furthest thing from being "oppressed." In so many ways, it's a privilege and a gift, especially with modern technology making household chores so much easier. The majority of young mothers I know either stay at home, wish to stay at home, or go down to part time work (but many cannot for, as you note, financial reasons). When I say things like "feminism lied to us", far more women agree with me than don't.

I found it interesting that you note that many of the "feminine" traits that ARE treated as socially acceptable / romanticized in Hollywood are actually childish traits ... I recently published an essay which discusses this as well -- the essay argues (among a lot of other things, it's a long read) that hyper-literate feminism is a "left-brained" movement, with a dysfunction right hemisphere (one could also think of it as an "autistic" or "schizophrenic" movement ... I touch on the neuroscience), and that it tilts toward androgyny, misandry, and misogyny -- and seems to romanticize neoteny. The latter point is something I still need to do a lot more research on, admittedly, but I do hope to return to the topic and am keen for feedback. If you're interested, the link is below. Cheers.

https://thecassandracomplex.substack.com/p/the-androgynous-mind

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